Forgive Me But Don't Forget Me
by Jstonedd
Summary: "The objective has changed. Following Haru Ichinose's death, a new target will be chosen. The new target is...Haruki Sagae." Oneshot. Isuki.


**Note: **Doesn't follow the "Queen Bee" storyline.

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><p>"<em>The objective has changed."<em>

She wasn't your first friend. She wasn't your first lover. In many ways, she wasn't your first because you met each other at a time in your life where there were little things you hadn't seen and done before. And she would be by far not your first kill.

But it was the first time you doubted yourself with the task of killing someone.

"_Following Haru Ichinose's death, a new target will be chosen."_

Your first kill was a lecherous, corrupt business man who was as toxic for the economy as for society, and you had little qualms about cutting his throat wide open after he tried to force himself on you. You stepped over his corpse the same way you stepped over trash, with utter disgust and no second glance.

"_The established rules still apply. The remaining assassins are to carry out their mission within 48 hours after giving the advance notice to the target. No one outside Black Class is to be involved."_

Until that fateful day, your life was easy. You came and went as you liked, weren't bound to anyone, weren't committed to anything, weren't afraid of going anywhere. It was fun to toy with the delusional minds of hopeful men and women, it amused you to no end to see them readily giving you their hearts when you never promised them anything in return. Yes, it gave you some sadistic pleasure to crush their spirits and take everything they valued, you thrived on their shattered looks as you smiled at them and thanked them for transferring all their money to your bank account. And then everything would be over with a clean shot to their heart.

But the moment you came to Myojo Academy and met your roommate, you knew that she was from a whole different world. She might be an assassin like you, she might have killed as many as you, but she wasn't like you. She couldn't be more different from you, she was the complete opposite. She loathed the things she did and she loathed herself for doing it. You could read the self-hatred in her eyes, could almost hear her thoughts of killing herself because she honestly thought that this was the only way to set herself free.

And you pitied her. Told her to kill her family, to kill everything that burdened her. And she said, "What if I am the burden?"

You had no time for her noble ideals. You couldn't care less about them, couldn't care less about her. She intrigued you, but only on a sexual level. She might be a worthless victim to manipulate and steal from, but you hoped to get at least some entertainment from her or things would get really boring for you.

And she was so easy to seduce. She might have acted dense about your advances at first, but no one could resist your charm, especially not when you had your eyes set on something you really wanted.

She was so eager, so willing to learn and improve, so obsessed with proving herself to you that it almost made you want to laugh everytime she approached you with unhidden desire in her eyes.

But just to make things clear, you always reminded her of where she stood, and that was beneath you of course. Often told her what she could and couldn't expect from this kind of relationship with you. You would press a hand to her throat and aggressively kiss her while reminding her that you could kill her any moment if you wanted. One wrong move and you would have no regrets about taking her life. And she would just chuckle. Chuckle with a carefree smile, like you had been joking. She would just say, "At least, I'd die happy."

You got irritated for the first few times when it happened because it killed the mood for you. Then, you learned to accept it, because that was who she was, and despite all her contradicting acts of being both suicidal and cheerful, you couldn't deny that she gave you too much sexual pleasure to abandon her.

But the last few times she mentioned that, you got unreasonably angry again. And you didn't understand why until that day.

"_The new target is...Haruki Sagae."_

Because you had come to value her life. More than she did herself. And when she became a target, you were confronted with the reality of having to kill her and you realized, you couldn't.

You couldn't point a gun at a face that would smile back at you. You couldn't raise your knife against someone who wouldn't defend herself and just nod in understanding, waiting for you to strike. You just couldn't kill someone who would welcome you for doing it. Because looking in her soft eyes and seeing your own terrified reflection in them would only kill you. Sending a bullet through her heart would only tear apart yours.

Out of all the remaining assassins – you, Nio, Sumireko, Mahiru and Haruki – Haruki seemed to be the one who took the news better than anyone. You knew she was just putting up a strong facade. But somehow, you didn't doubt that she truly wasn't affected by the thought of death either. And you began to wonder why you worried more about her life than she did. Now that the target was your roommate, shouldn't it be easy for you to finish this job and claim your reward?

She told you not to try and protect her. You said you never intended to. But you both knew that you lied, that you clearly thought about killing the other assassins before they could get to Haruki. And you both also knew that you considered being the first to make a move because you didn't want her to suffer, wanting to make her death quick and painless.

Sumireko was the first one to give an advance notice. But she had no intention of killing Haruki because she had only cared about ensuring Haru Ichinose's death, and now that she had been eliminated by Tokaku, Sumireko no longer had a reason to stay. She wanted to give Haruki 48 hours of peace, her notice inviting her to a two days long stay at the upper floors of Myojo Academy where she would be protected from the other assassins.

You didn't believe one word. You were sure that Haruki was going to get killed the second she was alone with Sumireko. You didn't understand why Haruki agreed, even less why you fought with her about it. She said, she only wanted to enjoy the rest of her days. And you should let her. Because when the right time came, she would set an end to this and no one would have to lose. You didn't know what she meant, and in your shock, you let her go.

You truly didn't believe in her return. But she did. Unscathed and healthy, she came back, with a content smile. And somehow, you hated yourself for feeling relieved, you hated her even more for making you feel this way. You wanted to remind her of her place, and she let you, let you dominate the night she was back, let you mark her body and treat her roughly. But somehow, it wasn't quite the same anymore, every second you spent with her felt more and more final, every touch and every kiss could be the last one.

Mahiru's advance notice reinforced that feeling.

Haruki was determined not to defend herself, not to fight back against the young girl. She didn't want to hurt her. And it got you angry over how damn noble someone could be to the point of pure stupidity. Not fighting wasn't even noble anymore, it was the worst decision she could make.

The attack was to be expected at night, where Shinya would come out to play. But things went completely unexpected when Shinya knocked on their door without her weapon, and she told Haruki that she didn't want to kill someone like her for no reason. She had no wish of her own, so killing her over nothing would be a waste. Since Haruki had always treated Mahiru well, Shinya decided to let her go. With Sumireko gone, her own days at Myojo had come to an end.

You couldn't believe how Haruki's noble ideals had paid out. You didn't think it would make such a difference, that assassins would care about that. But everyone seemed to have a moral code they followed.

Now only you and Nio were left.

Somewhere, deep in your heart, you wished for Nio to succeed so you wouldn't have to try. Because you already knew you couldn't. But you also didn't want Haruki to be killed by Nio, you didn't want her to be killed at all. If there was anyone who deserved to survive, then it was her. If there was anyone who deserved any reward they wanted, then it was her.

You made up your mind one night. You were going to be the one to kill Haruki. And your wish was going to be Haruki's wish. You would wish for her family to never have to care about money again. Provided for until eternity.

When Nio gave Haruki her advance notice, both were tense. This wasn't like before. Nio was genuinely going to try and kill her, and Haruki was worried about her plan not succeeding if she died too early.

You wanted to know what kind of plan she had but she wouldn't tell. You noticed that she had been more distant with you lately. She still touched you like she did before, but it felt different now. Slower, more hesitant, more timid. Was she afraid as you that every touch could be the last one?

Things had changed. Having sex with her was no longer a battle of dominance and a loveless arrangement, it wasn't as aggressive and mindless as before. Before, you only cared about her touching you where you needed her the most, but now you cared about touching her where she needed you the most. You wanted her to enjoy this. Enjoy it with you, because of you. Wanted her to touch you because you meant something to her, not because she needed a warm body like you had seen her as in the beginning.

You couldn't tell when you stopped ordering her around. You didn't realize since when you had started to moan her name. You never noticed how much you clung on to her after sex when before, you would shove her away.

Maybe she didn't notice either. Or maybe she saw no sense in telling you because her life was soon going to be over anyway, and telling you this only made it real, made it undeniable. And getting over her would be easier if this was all just in your head, if it was all just delusion. She was going to die soon, and she wanted your memories of her to die along with her.

On the night Nio tried to kill Haruki, you followed her. You couldn't explain it to yourself. Maybe you followed her because you wanted to be there to say goodbye in case Nio succeeded.

But she didn't. Nio failed to kill Haruki. Because she was shot in the chest by you.

You didn't mean to, you honestly didn't think that you would use the gun you had on you just in case. But when you saw her suddenly turning into a copy of yourself, suddenly looking like you to fool Haruki, who looked like she believed her, you lost it.

It was unacceptable. Haruki thinking that she got killed by you when it wasn't you. There was no way you could let Nio leave the wrong impression of you, not when your face was going to be last thing Haruki saw. You were not going to let her steal this moment between you and her.

Haruki kneeled down next to Nio and felt her pulse. Alive, she declared with a relieved smile.

You watched her taking Nio into her arms and carrying her, determined to have her delivered to the hospital at once or she was going to die.

And as you watched her hurrying away, trying to save someone who wanted to kill her, you fell to your knees and started crying. How could you kill her now? You were the last one and if you forfeited now, you would lose your face and your reputation in the dark world you're living in. And there was no way you could return to the normal one.

You didn't sleep that night. Lied on your bed with your clothes on, waiting for Haruki to come home. You needed to know her plan. And she needed to listen to yours. Because if her plan was no good, then you had no choice but to follow yours. You hoped you didn't have to.

She came back in the morning. You confronted her in the living room. You didn't ask her, but she told you anyway that Nio was going to survive this. Your bullet missed her heart.

You didn't care about Nio's heart, you cared about Haruki's and whether it was still beating tomorrow or the day after or the day after that. You told her that.

She smiled. It was a happy smile. And then she showed you something you never expected.

It was an advance notice. From herself, to herself.

"Whoever succeeds in killing me gets the reward. They never said that I can't be the one to kill myself," she softly said, and she sounded so calm about it that it made you instantly mad. You wanted to cry again, but now was not the time, you were filled with so much rage at her and her stupidity that you began screaming at her.

"It's okay, Isuke-sama," she said without raising her own voice. And despite being so much quieter than you, you still stopped when she talked, sounding so much more deafening to you.

"It's okay," she repeated, and you knew she did it for you. She had long made peace with her decision, and now she was trying to help you make peace with it too. But you didn't want to, refused to.

"No," you snapped at her, taking her advance notice and shredding it into pieces. She didn't look surprised by your action.

"It's just a formality," she calmly said. "They are already informed, and whether this card is torn or not, my time is still running out."

You refused to believe her. You slapped her, and when she still looked at you with her soft eyes, you slapped her again, trying to evoke some anger in her, some sadness, anything other but the calm look.

"I hate you," you shouted at her. You ran to your bedroom, opened a drawer of your nightstand and took out a military knife along with your own advance notice card. With shaking hands, you messily wrote your name on it and returned to the living room, throwing it carelessly at Haruki's stunned face. It fluttered to the ground, on top of the shredded pieces of Haruki's advance notice.

"Any last words?" you asked her, holding your knife to her throat, your voice shaking as hard as your hand.

You hated the smile she gave you. Hated how she didn't resent you for threatening her life. Hated how she had made you fall in love with her and now wanted to leave you in the worst way possible.

"If I thought you could kill me, I would have prepared some words," she softly said.

Your hand shook so much that the sharp blade of your knife dug itself into Haruki's skin, drawing some blood. She didn't flinch, but you did, lowering your weapon with an angry cry.

"That was your plan?" you cried, not bothering to hide your tears. She was going to die anyway, who was she going to tell about the heartless Isuke crying over someone else? "Your plan was killing yourself? You idiot, why would you...how could you be so selfish? Aren't you thinking about your family at all?"

"I'm more useful to them dead than alive," she said. Said it like it was fact. But you knew it wasn't, because her family loved her, you had overheard them talking on the phone many times, and you knew that they would rather stay poor for eternity than lose her.

"Then," and at this point, you didn't care anymore. Anything to stop her from her misguided decision. "What about me? Don't I matter at all?"

Haruki looked surprised at your honesty. Maybe she had known how you felt all along, but didn't expect you to say it.

"Of course," she said gently. "But you will get over me. My family will too. Moving on from tragedy is easier than escaping misery."

You had so many things to tell her, so many arguments to prove her wrong, but she stopped you with a kiss.

Slow, unhurried, like today was just one of the many she still had, and you melted into it, let yourself believe that maybe if this kiss lasted forever, none of you would have to die. You never noticed how soft her lips were, having only ever kissed her in a rough, bruising manner and you enjoyed the warmth she offered. Her mouth moved against yours in sync, like she had been your lover for years and knew every movement of yours. You wanted to deepen the kiss when her lips stopped moving.

"What is it," you whispered, and you looked up. To see Haruki smiling at you with the lights in her eyes fading.

Numb with shock, the scream got stuck in your throat and your wide eyes stared at the knife in her chest. Your knife. Which she had taken during the kiss without you noticing.

"No..."

Your hands started shaking, wanting to take out the weapon, but you knew that it would only cause her to bleed out faster.

"No...please no..."

"Hey," she softly said, coughing, staggering on her feet, and you held her, sank to the ground with her. "It's alright. Everything's going to be alright."

"Shut up," you barely managed to say, holding her head to your chest, "why are you the one saying this?"

She weakly chuckled, then coughed again. "Someone always has to."

"Shut up!" you shouted at her, feeling mad, betrayed, hurt, helpless, and so much more you weren't able to comprehend and process. You kept desperately shaking your head and telling her to shut up, but you realized that this was her last chance to speak. And then she would shut up forever.

"Hey," she breathed, and you were terrified about this being her last breath. "Sorry..." she coughed out blood, but forced herself to keep talking, "for doing to this you...but I guess I am selfish..." she looked up at you with a small smile. "I just wanted to die happy."

You watched her eyes becoming dull. The smile freezing on her motionless face.

Your grief was almost choking you. Shaking your body, making your insides turn, and the dark irony wasn't lost on you because her death reminded you of how alive you were, and how the pain and hurt you were feeling was something only a beating heart could experience.

Your numb mind barely registered the phone vibrating in Haruki's pocket. Your eyes were still glued to her face that was gently smiling up at you. You knew this look was going to haunt you for a long time.

Your trembling hand went for her phone because it was the last living part of Haruki. An evidence that she had lived, that she had connections to other living people.

You answered the call without thinking.

"Haruki, finally you answer your phone! Don't you know how much we missed you? When are you going to come back?"

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"CUT! Great job everyone, that was quite a performance! You made that sad smile work, Sagae, really impressive. And those tears, Inukai, so real, I was moved. Keep it up!" Shiena said proudly as she gestured with the script in her hand.

Haruki sat up with a groan and pulled at her shirt that was soaked with fake blood. "Whoa. Looks real."

"Your kiss was sloppy," Isuke complained as she wiped at her mouth. "And you taste like chocolate. I told you not to eat Pocky before this scene."

"Sorry, sorry," Haruki laughed. "Rehearsing this part made me sad and I needed some snacks to feel better."

Isuke shook her head and sighed. Haruki was too much like her on-screen character. But then again, their characters were based on them and their director Shiena had taken the liberty to interpret their personalities in unlikely situations.

"Fine. But you only get away with it because you died."

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><p><strong>Note: <strong>Because I'm a loser who can't write angst without giving an immediate antidote


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